Hard Thing To Say
by misericordia98
Summary: "I am not sure how to say this," Lucy uttered with inconvenience, sadness altering her features when she gathered the courage to face Mira again. "Do you think he likes me for my chest or for what's inside it?"/One-shot/


**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail**

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 _A/N: This was previously named "Sorry" and, ironically, I owe an apology to all the ones that fav/followed and reviewed this one-shot because I suddenly deleted it. It conveyed a wrong message, as reviewers were kind enough to clear up to me, and I fixed it. If there's anyone who had stumbled across this fic before I deleted it, I'm very sorry._

 _I hope this version is better._

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 **\- Hard Thing To Say -**

"Lucy, Natsu's been staring at you for two hours now," Mirajane announced nonchalantly, polishing the bar's surface without even bothering to look up.

The two of them were the only ones at the bar for the moment, while everyone was busy celebrating the birthday, making noise, eating cake, drinking booze and eventually fighting. Not yet, but it was bound to happen sooner or later.

"Yes, I _know_." Lucy snapped, hands nervously circling the rim of the half-full glass in her hands, eyes nailed down.

"Alright."

Mira's tone was inexorable and as mild as Erza's swords. Still, pretty mild. The following pause was painful; music resounded in the guild's hall and she wished Gajeel would realize that his singing actually killed off everyone's brain cells. Her hopes were low, though. Half of the attendants loved him too much to admit it in his face and the other half was too scared to do so, frightened for their lives.

Lucy had a hard time breathing for the most part of the night because Natsu, the birthday celebrant himself, was set on tantalizing and torturing her with his intense gaze from the moment she entered. And she could think of nothing else. Her safe haven was Mirajane's presence, who didn't bother her with any questions, neither did she pry more than necessary.

Also, she was the closest to a mother figure she had ever had since her own mother died so it was kind of reassuring to seek her comforting silence at a turbulent time like this.

"Mira?" Lucy asked timidly.

"Yes?" Mira paused her motions, looking up. Her eyes scanned the hall joyfully before setting on the blonde firmly, but with her usual warmth.

"Do you think…" Lucy bit her lower lip. "Do you think he likes me? I mean…" Then an unidentified, quiet sound of torment came out of her.

Mira raised a brow, a smile quivering on her lips. "Lucy, he just tugged at his collar for the fifteenth time this evening. And it's not even warm in here. I'm pretty sure it's not thanks to Gajeel's terrific performance either." She nodded at someone in the far distance, wearing one of her perfect smiles.

Lucy met her eyes with a momentary surprise, then blushed and escaped them, looking down at her glass again.

Goodness, parts of her literally died when she saw him do that. It was one of his many unconscious ticks that triggered her for days. It was like every small thing he did set her on fire and he didn't even realize it.

"I am not sure how to say this," Lucy uttered with inconvenience, sadness altering her features when she gathered the courage to face Mira again. "Do you think he likes me for my chest or for what's inside it?"

Mira was surely on the verge of laughing within the first seconds, but then she grew pensive, seriousness taking over her face as she continued to dust off the counter.

"Lucy, don't get me wrong, but I think you're the only person who'd know how to answer that. My point is… you know him best. I dare say, best from everyone in the guild."

"Yeah, but I don't like my own answer." Lucy let out a forced chuckle and Mira stared at her for one long moment. "Anyway, I think I want to go home. I'm really tired."

With a sigh, Lucy gave her one big smile and a wave of her hand before putting a lock of loose hair behind her ear. Those high heels were absolutely ridiculous and she swore to never wear them again. It was masochistic on another level.

She grabbed her long coat and slid out of the hall, and through the gate unnoticeably, breathing in the cold air outside – the sun was just setting behind the horizon as she paced quickly to her apartment. Magnolia was kind of bleak during the year's last months when the humidness and drizzles made the scenery into a constantly melancholic one.

Something about her mood was off during this whole day and she made her best to not show it, made her best to be cheerful, but she just couldn't quite get herself to feel happy. And imitating happiness was never her strong side.

It bothered her that she had waded so deeply in her affection for a certain person and he didn't seem to care about anything else than her body lately. It just… it has never bothered her, but today suddenly it did, and she didn't know why. She knew that's what he did, it was his way to her. All this was supposed to explain the uneasiness inside her, and maybe it did, but it didn't actually lift it off.

Lucy took the steps to her apartment and entered it, letting out a sigh of content as she put her heels away. What a pain. She loosened her gleaming stream of gold, stepping in front of the mirror above the sink in her bathroom, and let it cascade down her shoulders. Her chocolate eyes looked tiredly at her reflection and she went over the tiny crimson hearts hanging from her ears, the coral of her lips, then down to scrutinize her small necklace and her cocktail dress in rose ash, with a dip in the middle.

The rose ash of his hair.

A sad smile adorned her lips. She didn't quite like the design of this dress, but she kept it because the color reminded her of him.

What if some other blonde shows up? Some other blonde with big boobs and slim legs? Was she gonna be replaced? And what about all the times she'd have to face him if that ever happens? They practically lived together, Fairy Tail was their whole conscious life. Her heart couldn't even fare with the idea of such scenario, tears welling up in the corners of her eyes.

The click of her door fazed her and her breath hitched with surprise, mind switching up to fighting immediately. But then she heard a call of her name and it eased her. Not that the bursting in her apartment wasn't clarifying enough. Only one person barged in like that without knocking and with enough force to unhinge the door. He did unhinge it a few times before. The landlady was delighted.

"Lucy, where are you?"

She remained by the bathroom's door for a moment, pondering over the tinge of desperation that was stained into his voice, before showing up.

"I'm here." That smile she placed on her face was mustered up successfully. Then her heart spasmed - at the sight of him in his white shirt and jacket. He rarely wore that outfit, but when he did, her heartbeat always increased a tad. Out of air, chest heaving up and down, he had probably run his way to her apartment. "What is it?"

"What you mean _what is it_?!" Natsu complained, eyes scanning her quickly from head to toe. "You left before the party's over." His voice lowered with some kind of bitterness.

"Oh, I…" Lucy enveloped herself with hands, feeling the cold air sting her. "I'm really sorry, Natsu, but I-I wasn't feeling well and I t-thought I could go home. You're not mad at me, right?"

Natsu looked at her intently, then walked to her at a slow pace, stopping at an intrusively close distance and wearing a pout. He was about five inches taller than her, she noted absently as her head averted to the bathroom's door and tried her best to hide the instant flush on her face. Such thing as a private space was inexistent in his dictionary, she made sure of that long ago. In any case, ignoring the tingle of his warm breath on her skin was a hard task.

"You're lying."

Lucy did not deny it, neither did she move, but something about his voice told her he was upset that she's left. She swallowed the lump that grew in her throat when his fingers curiously pulled the matter of her dress down to her shoulder as if he's been expecting to reveal something truly surprising and leaned in to skim his lips over her bare skin. Then he breathed in.

The descending sigh that escaped him always destroyed her and if she didn't know better, she'd think he did it on purpose. All the pleas of his unambiguous desire concerning her were wrapped up in that single sigh, a bit ragged and so terrifically pleasant to her ear that she shivered.

"You're so pretty… Prettiest." He spoke absent-mindedly against her ear, hands already roaming over her lush form and trying to find a way to strip her dress. "Yep."

Lucy turned her head to him, quickly finding his eyes and staring at him in silence. Wouldn't it be particularly cruel to reject him like this on his own birthday? Especially when he had been looking forward to this for hours. Given the fact that he's been staring at her throughout the whole night without a drop of tact… or mercy.

Because he was always like that - demanding, fierce, out of any control and… she loved that hopelessly. She loved the way he, in a glimpse of an eye, was becoming the destruction of thousands that stood between him and the ones he cared about. She loved his adamant spirit, carrying the light of his guild and the undying hope of it. She loved that he was an elemental force that razed cities to the ground and that he never once faltered into darkness because he knew what he was fighting for.

Her long pause was met by a raise of his brow and she chuckled hollowly, her eyes falling to the stud on his collar. He took that as a sign, perhaps, and his hands reached for her, pressing her closer.

"I'm sure you won't remember this anyway, since you're drunk as hell." Lucy murmured under her breath and that's when he stopped every motion, as if her words stung him, and he stepped back.

"I'm not drunk!" Natsu furrowed at her, then his shoulders relaxed with a new realization; he comprehended something that she feared has hurt him immensely because his ever-so-expressive eyes now emoted sadness. That simple, basic sadness that children had, the one that pierces through you like hot iron because it's unquestionably sincere.

"Do you…" Lucy began, her voice shaking as she tilted her head a bit. "Natsu, d-do you like me as a… as a person?" It was weird, she never opened up personal questions like this, neither did he. They were always too focused pleasing each other, they were focused on the fun part.

Natsu grimaced with some mixture of confusion that bordered more on pain than an actual misunderstanding.

"Why do you ask me this?" His brows wrinkled.

Lucy's eyes teared up. He avoided the answer… She opened her mouth, then closed it, nodding to herself slowly. "I see."

"Wait, Lucy, what is going on?"

"I'd like you to stop coming here." She ignored his eyes… they were too much to bear.

"Lucy, I am sorry, whatever I said or did, I haven't meant it. You know me!" He stepped closer again, wrapping his hands around her waist and before she could forbid him to get anywhere nearer, his lips were on hers. And he kissed her like he always did - with an unrelenting passion that she could never deny, as cross as she was.

His vehemence brought them onto her bed and Lucy was just overwhelmed by the battle in her heart. The lines of his affections were smeared so well that she could never tell whether he needed her out of fondness for her character and her ability to smolder his loneliness or it was just a whim of his body and evanescent lust… and she was just the closest girl within his reach.

"I am so sorry, Lucy." He was tangibly shaking in her arms, to her great wonder, and within the center of a tormented remorse that she couldn't understand how to react to. She did not move an inch as he buried his head in her hair and murmured a string of quiet words, most of which she couldn't discern.

"Natsu." Lucy suddenly felt a weight of guilt on her chest, hand passing through his messy locks of hair. He appeared genuinely repentant and… feeble, not physically, but by soul. At least she felt like it now. It was rare for them to converse when so close. It was even rarer for him to act like this.

"…I would never hurt her, I promised I'd never, never..." She heard him say, more to himself than to her and it made her face flush. Their position was oddly intimate and although they still wore clothes, she was left with the impression that the closer he was to her, the sincerer he got, so now his fit woke her softness anew.

The way he was now, above her, reminded her of the first time he had shielded her from an explosion. It was one of the moments he had proved that he valued her life over his own and she then decided that she wouldn't ever need him to validate anything verbally because he showed it to her, every time, that she was precious to him.

She sighed. He's never been one to explain things anyway, she was supposed to be well aware of that. How many times did he leave without telling anyone where he was going of what he was about to do? Naturally, he'd choose action instead. Just that boys always chose the weirdest ways to show their affection.

She had been overthinking this and shouldn't have doubted his intentions. He was just built like this.

"It's alright, you haven't hurt me. Ok?" She tried again, speaking in his ear. "You're right, Natsu. I know you. And you would never hurt me. It's me that is sorry, please forgive me."

Upon her last words, he heaved up to meet her eyes and blinked slowly as she smiled up at him warmly. Her hands pulled him closer and their foreheads touched. He nodded lightly.

"I never knew you could be so cute when you're upset," Lucy muttered, but then she let out a gasp of astonishment; Natsu had suddenly torn the matter of her dress apart, revealing her red lingerie.

"What did you say?" He narrowed eyes at her after stripping his own shirt and jacket.

Here they go again.

"I said you're cute," Lucy repeated timidly, biting her lower lip. It just made him angrier.

"I am _not_ cute." He ground his teeth, hovering over her; maybe the short distance between their faces was supposed to frighten her, but her eyes just fell on his lips for a second before going back up to the intense stare he gave her. His eyes blazed in the darkest sense she could put that word in.

"Mm… definitely cute." Lucy concluded, on the verge of laughing, but he broke the sound with a kiss on her bared neck. She was at a loss, feeling like he subconsciously just fit the profile she was trying so hard to create for him. Any other day he'd-

Another, loud gasp escaped her lips when he slightly bit at her delicate skin and then searched for other targets, licking his way down to her collarbone as his hand absently slid down the strap of her bra.

Any other day he'd mess her up with his many violent and kinky inclinations and she'd comply because she wasn't against them at all, and because he usually went through that magical transformation she'd never admit was making her weak in the knees - from loud and cute to loud and… demonically seductive? There really wasn't any other way to describe it.

The faint afternoon light was still present, but slowly dying out and making a place for the evening dusk. Her room was in semi-darkness when they got rid of the rest of their clothes and shifted under the blankets, already breathing fervently.

"You try really hard to fool people that you're tough," She paused, "…for a softcore cutie." Lucy chuckled in his ear breathlessly and he growled angrily in reply, forcing him to grind against her almost harshly and carve a quiet moan from her.

As much as she wanted to continue mocking him, the daze stole her focus completely and her lips were apart with all the new sensations he brought.

It's been quite a long time since they were last together - she went on a job with Erza and Wendy only (because it involved waitressing) and it turned out they had to work at a pub for a few days. Those few days she endured enough pairs of thirsty male eyes to crave Natsu's presence nearly to insanity. When she came back to the guild, he was the one gone and she had to wait for a lot more.

Her nails incised a red pattern on his shoulder blades and her back arched against his defined skin as he stretched her further, not letting out a single sound. She was afraid her mockery had only enhanced his desire to prove himself _not cute_ and had hurt his easily-wounded pride.

Her lips formed a faint smile, eyes blinking drowsily open.

"Aren't you gonna move?" She mouthed, trying to find his lips and she did, kissing him deeply. He did taste like alcohol, but she couldn't care less, eager to ply their tongues together.

There was a scowl on his face because they both knew she was gonna win this fight. Still, he decided to try and she just couldn't wait to make fun of him after that.

The first time he thrust into her was concealed perfectly, but the second time came with a choked groan against her mouth and an impassioned _"Dammit!"_ after that, and that was it, she won. Statistically, she was the one who cried out on a daily basis, she had to admit that, but there were times when his sharpened senses just betrayed him and she was glad they did. Too bad for his perfect concentration.

His pace was not slow, but still a sweet torture for her wired body. Wild shivers coursed through her every time his unstable voice echoed in her ears and she almost told him out loud how good he felt, and how much she's missed the scorching heat that his hard skin radiated, so intense and so palpable that it melted and devoured her entirely.

It was a familiar feeling, when she heard herself pant and moan desperately, drops of sweat covering her whole body when his was seemingly immune to such fatigue or change of temperatures. The build-up of pressure had just become unbearable when it finally snapped loose and washed through her with waves of pleasure; her voice higher in pitch, as it usually was, when he finished after her far more gracefully than she ever could.

He shuddered in ripples, body pressed at her soft one as much as it could without suffocating her, and she was sorry she could only grant him that euphoric thrill once. Actually, knowing his vigor, she doubted it was gonna be once for today.

They stilled then and their loud breathing filled up the empty silence of her apartment for one long moment. Those previous thoughts she had didn't quite leave her head, but she didn't feel like needing them either. Maybe she had to really confront him about it without them ending up naked.

"Natsu?" She pondered, looking up at the ceiling.

"What?"

He refused to move away from her so they remained like that for a while. Lucy suspected her embrace after their many passionate rendezvous was one of his favorite things. Which practically proved him to be the cutie she was convinced he was from the start. Despite that he razed down cities and rode dragons… and breathed fire.

"They're gonna look for you, you know. You can't leave your own party like that."

"Hell yeah, I can!" Natsu snarled. "If I'm sick of noisy brats, half of which didn't even care to buy me a present."

Lucy chuckled, hands sifting through the locks of his fiery hair as he slightly shifted, facing her. "I'm afraid half of them only came for the free food and drinks."

There was a pause in which he considered her words thoroughly, with an offended expression on his face. His conclusive, dry scoff after that only made her laugh harder. But then her laughter slowly faded when she noticed his continuous stare and a spark of remorse…

"What is it?" She whispered with concern.

"Uh…" Natsu looked aside with some strange, uncharacteristic embarrassment on his features. He mouthed something, but she only heard a few consonants.

"Natsu?" Lucy raised a brow, tilting her head in order to find his eyes.

"I love you, I'm sorry I don't say it to you more often, it's a hard thing for me to say." Natsu strung all the words as one, without looking at her and so quickly that it took Lucy half a minute to comprehend what he had actually said.

"That's not cute anymore," Lucy clicked her tongue, dragging his attention on her again, head slowly shaking while Natsu held his breath in anticipation, not even blinking. Keeping him that way was so much fun that she made a long pause, biting her lip hard. By the time she had finally decided to finish with, "that's sexy," he was pouting at her.

The pouting didn't last long, though, he almost burst at the seams with self-pride within the next second.

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 _A/N: Thanks for reading, hope you have a great day (or night)!_


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